Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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