Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
