I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
