So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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