you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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