so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
