omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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