if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
