He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A bitchslap is in order.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
