But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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