just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
