After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
