The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
