I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
