Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
