We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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