I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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