So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
