I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
