just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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