So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
