pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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