She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
