Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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