this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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