she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
