This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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