WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
