My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize