cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I cockslap morals
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
