I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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