we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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