Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
