I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
