i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
