She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
