you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
