Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
