i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize