Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
