i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize