I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize