what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
