the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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