Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
