I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
