I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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