god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
