Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
