It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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