I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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