Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
