you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize