On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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