That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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