matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
