just come out here and I will go home with you...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
