there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
