Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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