if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
