im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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