i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
