Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
