Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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