Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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