Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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