every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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