Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
