If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
