i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize