This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
