HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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