You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
