How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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