I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
