You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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