Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
