Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize