Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i love accidental penises.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
