absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
