FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
