oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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