Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
