i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
