he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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