No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
