Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
