i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
