I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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