stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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